What if Jesus hadn’t died young, but had

Grown old and fat like a Nazarene Elvis?

Two shows a night for the faithful in Galilee –

Parables, Ray-bans and kung-fu moves.

 

Fed himself five thousand calorie burgers, turned

Water to Bourbon and Quaaludes and morphine,

Rode on a Harley into Jerusalem,

Curled up his lip, thank-you very much.

 

Instrumental

 

What if Christ hadn’t died on the cross, but had

Breathed out his last all alone on the toilet?

Then what would Catholics wear round their necks? – Rhinestone

Lavatory seats hung on golden chains.

 

And now that Jesus has left the building

Conspiracy theorists still swear he’s alive and

Gather on Sundays to sing all his greatest hits

Dance in the aisles in their blue suede shoes.

 

Instrumental

 

What if Jesus hadn’t died young, but had

Grown old and fat like a Nazarene Elvis?

Two shows a night for the faithful in Galilee –

Parables, Ray-bans and kung-fu moves.